As I slowly fill content in to my newly created writing blog, I occasionally come across older bits of work written very early on in my awareness of being under investigation (and especially when I was experiencing some of the more violent assaults on my person that were/are related to the ongoing investigation discussed in www.jbhfile.com).
This is one particular bit that I just recently dug up, written around 2002 or so, when I had not made much way at all into developing the coping mechanisms that would ultimately, and over the years, mature into some fairly respectable and necessary internal skills which, in a very literal sense, have saved my life and mind over the years.
I found it interesting to read; looking back on things like the following is both startling and heartening to me as it makes immediately clear where I was and of how far I've come...and that I must continue.
Enjoy, if such a thing is possible...
....
Feels like stealing
by Joel Harris
To stand here
with the sun on my face,
if but for this second,
to feel good,
momentarily even
(but a second!)
is like running off
with what is not mine,
a snatching by one
not deserving;
to stand here
with the sun on my face
feels like stealing.
And yet I know that I am true.
Through the grossness
of it all, the heaving and
covert paralysis of the thing,
I am true and I have been.
So if any pair of lips
should be afraid, or when lips
refuse the honest line,
when honesty is simple archetype–
a handy shell,
a husk to wrap around a time;
then my friend
you will know what
has set upon you.
You will know that it will be
their turn then
to go and stare
into the calm lake,
to think for some time
on treachery, malevolence and bile–
and for them, to know
the forthright and the forward,
the direct line and
what it shamelessly
and always guarantees.
[end]
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this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.
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jbh.
