Wednesday, April 25, 2007

12 Steppers Freak Out

beer rocks. i drink it all the time. always with an eye towards personal responsibility, always slowly ... but on a fairly regular basis.

i am, in fact, in the planning stages of preparing to make my own ale.

these are fairly new developments, ... drinking of beer and making the same. i've not always been able to enjoy such luxuries.

prior to publishing, and for, literally three years, i consumed about a single beer every six months. i felt it unsafe to consume alcohol more regularly than that.

this was due to my acute knowledge that many of the participants acting as informants to the investigation had been culled from my long term social connections with the houston alcoholics anonymous scene (i'll write more about that later) and that the intention was to build a fictitious image of myself as having a "drinking problem."

my strict adherence to near complete abstinance was also due to my acute knowledge that the investigators desired an end to the investigation that seemed to indicate my suffering from memory loss and/or behavior not totally under my conscious control (this being important for legal mandate of long term psychiatric evaluation.)

furthermore, i knew the investigation desires an absolutely or even somewhat controlled environment from which to be able to launch further psycho-social investigations; being relegated to a court ordered series of 'meetings' or otherwise structured activity related to substance abuse recovery would be perfect insofar as acheiving such a goal.

12 Step Insanity

which brings me back to beer.

like i said, i'm a big fan of ale. i'll remain such.

in the interest of entertaining the possibility of this activity being used against me, however ... i'll just say this:

in no way does my moderate consumption of ale impinge on my daily duties and or passions. i would not allow it to do such. my daily life and loves are far too important. i mean work, relationships, study and ... did i say work?

otherwise, and regarding the possible negative impacts of regular consumption of alchohol ... having a 1" spare tire around my waste is a consequence i can live with.

that last bit is sort of funny but also a good example of the skewed thinking of certain persons associated with 12 step programs; i can just imagine some of my more fanatical AA friends saying something like:

"Since you said you were going to start a serious exercise and work-out program last january and you still haven't, now that it's March, ... well, I think that means your an addict and your life is uncontrollable."

or something crazy like that.

when the fact is ... in such a case ... it's simply a choice to do something or not ... regardless of previous claims.

that's actually a scenario drawn from a real and current relationship with a certain friend from those old social circles, and i think my projection of possibilities is sort of on point.

such persons live in a world of issues and "ism's", something i feel the whole 12 step and recovery scene is harmful for generating in persons (even approaching condemnable); i mean, this idea that every personal activity must be viewed through some prism of possible 'issues'. so often, among certain of my past personal friends, i've seen this devolve into the literal inability to do anything sensually pleasurable without some sort of intense follow up discussion or analysis to determine whether or not they had 'acted out,' or compromised their 'program,' or otherwise had done something self-abusive.

literally, i've seen 12 step fanatics so involve themselves in that world of issues and disease, that they simply can no longer have fun without questioning whether that fun was actually something horrible and subconsciously working to destroy them.

i'd name names ... but i could be held legally accountable.

anyway, regarding that above example regarding personal fitness, i'm actually in damn good shape, BTW ... just not as ripped as brad pitt ... so there's always room for improvement.

getting a little playful there, but the serious side of things is that the investigation truly does intend to use this regular practice of alcohol consumption against me.

my personal defense is articles like this which have as a goal first, to state publically the relative breadth of such habits ... and two, to also regularly let the investigators know that they may not dictate my personal decision making, by continuing in such enjoyable habits.

otherwise ...

as far as my own encounter with AA, it occurred at the age of 17 when i checked myself into rehab due to a terrifying and powerful addiction to cocaine ... as it turns out, it was the best thing i ever did for myself.

i spent 7 years associating with the AA scene; i went to college, fell in love with literature and computers and at a certain point ... decided to remove myself from the AA lifestyle.

my personal belief is that drug addiction, and harmful consumption of alcohol is not something that should be relegated to the domain of biological disease; it's simply not scientific.

yet this is not to be a treatise or defense of the practice of having a beer or two on a regular, daily basis and so therefore i digress ...

i author this particular text out of the need to publicly reiterate my awareness of the investigators desire to utilize this fact, that i am a regular consumer of alcohol, as a means of obtaining their myriad objectives ... primarily the relegation of my personal life to an environment more conducive to their control.

the easy thing, of course, would simply be to not drink beer. and i've considered this, but feel it's quite the cop-out on my part as, in truth and unless manipulated by the investigators, it is not a harmful element of my daily life.

besides, from 8pm to 11pm, when i'm either reading, writing or listening to music ... there really is nothing finer than having a couple beers before crashing. it's something i'd suggest to anyone, as long as one knows one's limits and as long as one does not forgo the more important facets of one's life.

this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website,; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.



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This blog is a supplementary text to my main website at: The purpose of this blog is to form a semi daily dialogue related to personal circumstances as outlined in have fun.