After days of deliberation and preparing, and after receiving confirmation from HPD/MHD that all data associated with the 12/11/23 Mental Health Check was indeed officially approved to be delivered to me, today I decided to calmly inform my father of the certified Cease and Desist letter.
Here is a link to said letter which I've posted before:
Cease and Desist Letter / sent via certified mail on 09/07/24
Dad's reaction is telling and expectedly violent...
His reaction was precisely as expected: an immediate (startingly so) devolution into rage and a 100% inability to have a reasonable discussion; again, please listen to the dialogue linked below at YT (unlisted video BTW).
Everything is in the recording...
Just a quick listen to my desperate, calm attempt to invite DAD to dialogue, immediately, like a switch was thrown, Dad turns into an unrecognizable, rage-dominated, hazardous, and irrrational "thing."
When he transforms, it's literally like watching my grandfather go through Alzheimer's episodes (which tragically my grandpa died from) where the person just instantaneously transforms from one amicable, approachable person to a completely different person, suddenly threatening violence, screaming, and a pervasive inability to have a normal conversation.
It's genuinely scary to see as it happens so instantaneously and is always punctuated by an escalation towards violence. And it's not an unfair estimate that these sorts of exchanges happen every single day. I'm helpless to even have a conversation with the man.
Throughout our exchange today, he was constantly, threateningly getting right up in my face as he screamed more and more psychotically. Considering the episodes of physical abuse over the past few years, by him and on myself, I hold a real fear that at a certain point, this sort of totally uncontrolled emotional transformation could end in him doing greater violence to me (or others) at some point in the future and as his cognitive "episodes" (another blog) obviously continue to escalate.
So when, in the recording which was taking place in the kitchen, as I intended to get water before retiring to my office, he just started straight up telling me to leave and get out of his sight, screaming it even (see recording) all the while getting angrier when I calmly said to him that I'm in a public space in our home and I might want to get some water momentarily so, "No." I tell him I'm not going to "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" as he loves to say. (Like it's 1975 or something and I'm suddenly 12 years old again! Really unsettling to witness).
Some background on violence...
In fact, recognizing he had no choice but to realize my comment as true, still getting increasingly enraged, I (maybe not appropriately) asked, "Well, what are you going to do if I don't leave this public space at your command? Are you going to hit me?" As that's where his actions really indicated he wanted to take things and he's done so on many occasions over the past three years.
In fact, my entire childhood was punctuated by HIGHLY violent physical assaults upon my person as a child; violence to the point of requiring stitches and the uncomfortable lying I had to do to my teachers (intermediate school) to explain the highly evident and extreme wounds on my body.
But by no means am I lingering on those early events; I am not troubled by those times. This is important to note as what I refer to as the "issues people" or people who never really deal with anything just turn their entire identity into one that forever revolves around early childhood trauma, they cling to it, quite literally diefy such events and talk about it over and over and over for the rest of their lives ... and it's horrifying as it's such an obviously demonstrable, cyclical life long process where these folk have either been brain washed or brain washed themselves into thinking they need to haul around all their baggage/damage/trauma for the rest of their lives. I HIGHLY oppose this particular community. IMO? If one is truly, bothered at the spiritual/emotional level by *anything* ... then the proper course is to get it out immediately, addresss it properly and, if done right, one never even thinks about said events again and it's a thing of the past.
I dealt with all of that "stuff" decades ago, late teens, with some incredibly dedicated, incredibly effective and uncompromising therapists who did their work well (I was 17 at the time) ... and after those utterly brutal, hours long sessions, sweating and crying in my chair? After really getting it *all* out on the table and being made to understand certain things? It was literally 100% behind me.
But THE POINT IS:
I'm currently residing with that same man whose fundamental nature and actions to certain events that might "trigger" him ... is the same, exact personality he held back then when, for instance, he quite literally "caned" me me with a 10 foot fiberglass CB antenna when I was 12 cause he found out I had tried smoking weed. This was the time that the countless, extreme lacerations on the backs of my thighs became kind of hard to miss when in the 6th grade and having to wear those awful short af gym shorts LOL. Needles to say, I had to get creative in making up lies to explain the wounds.
The guy who can so easily trigger to a point that he systematically "flays" a 12 year old child simply cause he's angered by my having experimented with weed is still in there and probably much worse, as he's never addressed that tendency toward rage/violence, never been called out on it and never once thought to consider why such an obviously broken personality was even formed?
FWIW: I was the only member of my siblings to ever experience that sort of extreme violence at the hands of the man; none of my three siblings EVER experienced anything remotely like that, and the fiberglas antenna caning is only one example among many during that time. Chalk it up to being "the black sheep of the family" I dunno ... but just psych 101 (most) will also tell you that, "once the black sheep? Always the black sheep." And I've found this to be true..
So THIS is why I bring up those age-old, well dealt-with, nontroubling childhood events. I'm living with the same guy, with the same tendencies, the same basic nature and he's never developed emotionally past that basic and abusive tendency towards violence. Same guy. Probably worse now...
I recorded the exchange of course.
One, simply for the record, but most importantly to demonstrate my endless months/years trying to calmly discuss fundamental, legal facts and truths around mental illness that he simply 100% shuts down and refuses to discuss.
Any time I attempt to interject some calm, reasonable comment, it never even makes it out of my mouth. He just begins screaming over me, not allowing me to express even the most basic of real ideas, much less a sentence of more than a couple words.
This is highly evident in the below recording, and it's a daily thing; this is not an isolated event.
And this is just a mild one with no physical slapping and/or hitting me as has occurred in the past few years (he once threw me in the bathtub and scalded me with hot water, believe it or not, again, at 3am, just barging into my room, turning over my equipment, chairs, emptying the contents of my trash can all over my office floor and then taking a picture as though that mess he just willfully created had anything to do with my previously immaculate workspace (wtf?) ... and countless other things people just don't know about the volatile, increasingly dangerous behaviors of the man that are the *real* man ... the one only shown in private.
"I'M CALLING THE POLICE RIGHT NOW!!"
This is also a very essential moment as, at the high point of his psychotic break, as always, with me simply delivering a certified letter, he flies off into another level of rage, screaming, "WHERE'S MY PHONE! I'M GETTING THE POLICE OUT HERE RIGHT NOW AND WE'LL DEAL WITH THIS!!" Which, again, is clinical insanity and a more frightening example of just how uninformed (hence, dangerous) he is.
The critical fact here is that had he stupidly requested police presence this afternoon simply because he was angry that I served him a formal, legal demand, it would have indeed been deemed a "false 911 report" as there was no crisis or emergency. Had he done so, he would have likely been charged with that misdemeanor crime but likely not arrested.
The point is that (IMO) he really needs to be informed about the law, litigation, civil rules of procedure, culture, and the basics of reason/logic or rational thought, not that I'm some sort of expert on those fundamental principles, but I certainly live according to them.
But in him? It's just not there. I'm pretty sure it's never been there. How that can be is beyond me, as I lead with reason and rational thought, especially compassion and a general tack towards ecumenical solutions in any dialogue I have with any other human, especially if it's a matter of conflict resolution.
Oh, the irony...
But yeah, see the recording; that's how quickly it goes south and how quickly he just thinks he can call the police for any random reason whatsoever, which he can't and which carries consequences if deemed frivolous or unwarranted.
Ugly stuff. But I will persist...
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This post supplements the facts made public on my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already become aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed there. Please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction to why this blog exists. Or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. And, enjoy.
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jbh.
