Thursday, April 18, 2013

I lead a charmed life...

Yes. It's true. One can still find humor and fun in pretty much the most inhospitable work environment ever imagined. And so I did. 04/18/13 ... at Seaboard Marine-Jacinto Port ... on the Houston Ship Channel ... $15 dollars an hour in all it's goddamn sweaty glory!! Shit man,... I didn't know my cel phone could take such good photos. Fucking freakish ... (well, I admit, Photoshop was involved, but just Levels/Resizing/Sharpening) ... 

04/18/13 ... at Seaboard Marine-Jacinto Port ... on the Houston Ship Channel ... making the big bucks!! Goddamn, didn't know my cel phone could take such good photos. Freaky...

this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website,; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

My Bedroom is a Target! (well, maybe, we'll see...)

As is my typical and historical wont, I make it a habit to jot down thoughts here regarding anything that occurs locally and in regards to my daily life that I might even *think* as a stretch, may possibly be associated with my circumstances described in And especially if involving mere hunches or even direct communications I have or receive which could or may involve outright harm to my person or property.

This will be one such such public utterance which, though not necessarily being preventative regarding some of my concerns related to myself and my property, will still give me the opportunity to say, "I told you so!" if indeed some event plays out as I'm about to describe. And, it will also seem quite coincidental if it actually occurs since I'm writing about it now and it hasn't happened in the sum total of 18 years that my roommates (and I for the past 8) have lived here (more on that idea, below).

And always keep in mind with this blog, though often times what I write comes on the heels of very direct communication with certain confidants of mine who have, over the years, kept me informed of certain possible actions against myself, this is not one such. More so, it's simple arithmetic on my part, simply the connecting of figurative and possible dots, if you will. Though in truth, I've authored a couple posts in the past related to the sort of subject matter I will discuss here, which, in at least one case, were/was based on actual communication with certain of my long standing confidants.

Hit him where it hurts the most

I've written in the past that one of the tactics the investigators have wanted to use against me, simply to cause duress/trauma in my life, is theft of personal property that could be said to be my most valued possessions...or at least the items that mean the most to me in a personal, artistic and recreational regard: a hand built, custom computer workstation (and monitor) which cost me some five thousand dollars to personally and painstakingly build and with which I craft my many home brew videos and music productions that I've authored over the years; as well, my room is full of thousands of dollars worth of high end headphone listening equipment, amplifiers, DACS (digital to analogue converters), Grado headphones, etc. And as I've written in the past, these few personal items I have toiled, literally for years to obtain, and which would also quite literally be irreplaceable if lost, have been a simple, “Lets hit him where it hurts,” sort of item others have desired to divest me of. All this simply to cause personal duress, personal grief over much loved items being compromised.

Again, here just think typical "The Artof War" type movements, wherein any and all actions against an enemy that might cause emotional or physical trauma, anything that could be called extremely demoralizing, is beneficial in an offensive regard and in so far as beating that opponent down. And just as an afterthought and regarding that text (The Art of War)? It contains some highly profound and simple bits of tactic; I highly recommend reading it.

Here is why I bring this old topic back up...

So today I arrive at work to find that my father and brother's home (my brother lives with him) was burglarized while we were at work yesterday (Wednesday 04/11/13). This was immediately odd to me (and to them) due to the fact that the burglars only took two media devices, a large flat screen TV in the living room and another large flat screen TV in my brothers room. The odd part is that, during this entire invasion, the burglars left the 10 or so shotguns and rifles that these two like to keep laying about, completely unmolested. These guns are out in the open, laying on the floor in the spare bedroom, leaning in the corners of their own rooms, shotguns and a variety of rifles in absolute plain view. Further, my brothers wallet, on the same bureau where his stolen TV was sitting, full of his money and credit cards, was left unmolested.

Considering the fact that my father and brothers home has no burglar alarm installed and that the neighbors reported no knowledge of seeing anything amiss at the home, it's completely unbelievable that said burglars, obviously having plenty of time to see to their business, would leave all of such items untouched (especially the wallet).

So how does this throw my internal switches?

In the past, any time I have been informed of some possible action against my person, there has always been some event close to my family of similar nature, which I assume was to plant the idea in their minds that “such things can happen anywhere and to anyone!” You know, on the chance I argue foul play, then some seed of normalcy, if you will, will have already been planted in the minds of those close to me (this is somewhat of a classic tactic of the investigators over the years, softening the minds of any few close support persons I might have, especially family, so that any ramblings of mine might be interpreted as “just being crazy”).

For instance, in the past year or two, in the weeks before I received word that the investigators and their goons were conspiring to dose me into a publicly damning behavioral display and then argue that it was due to fitness supplements combined with heat stroke, etc. (see the link) … my sister had just weeks earlier explained to me how one of her close bar tending friends had been recently hospitalized due to a brain malfunction/aneurysm supposedly brought on by his use of, you guessed it, fitness supplements. I heard this from my sister just a couple weeks before certain confidants of mine informed me of the ploy that was to be played out against me, also involving the supposed influence of fitness supplements on my brain. This of course positively reeked of this need to sew in the minds of those close to me that such a thing “happens all the time!” … and that any attempt to argue foul play on my part would be met with the expected response of, “well shoot, Joel! It just happened to a friend of mine,” … or, in regards to theft of my property? “Hey, the same thing just happened to us!” ...

It really is a pretty simple and psychological/social bit of manipulation that could actually be effective if playing out along the sort of lines I just described.

And the fact that just two relatively inexpensive items were stolen from my father's home, two items quite easily replaced by a person of his income and savings, only makes me more leery of this possibly being just such an attempt to “plant seeds in the minds of the surrounding populace,” or otherwise cast similar actions against myself in a light less likely to be seen as an actual attempt to strike out against me, specifically. I mean, especially if considering the known fact (at least by me and a few others who can't be named publicly) that many of his long standing law enforcement friends could be behind such motions as they, of course, and even though having a hellbent desire to completely demoralize me, would nonetheless not be too interested in causing him any real and lasting hurt from the personal invasion. And were my own personal media devices stolen in some feigned natural event in the next few months or even more? It would most certainly be a “real and lasting hurt,” as I simply would not be able to replace them.

My personal gear

It should first be said that my housemates have rented this three bedroom home for going on 18 years; further, I myself have resided here with them for over 8 of those years. And, in all of those combined 18 years? Not once has the home been burglarized.

So on the chance some action targeting my own personal property and equipment (or theirs) should occur in the near future? I think it would seem quite coincidental that I should have written this tract just months or even a year or more before, considering the past near two decades being completely bereft of such events. Hell, it would almost be Nostradamus like if you ask me, whether others would see it that way or not (which, they most likely wouldn't but still...). Yes, even here, that was a lame attempt at humor.

Samsung 850D / PLS "quad hd" 27" monitor and also a Ray Sam "Raptor" valve amp
and a MHDT Labs "Stockholm" valve DAC (in the upper right, blue blinds
hanging over the very vulnerable window looking out over our back yard.

But, the gear I discuss, that I'm now concerned might be the target of some operation in the next month, two months, three months or more? That I'm admittedly, a bit paranoid about getting robbed?

Such gear is terribly important to me and such gear, furthermore, has been awfully hard won, requiring more than a several years, in total, to raise the money towards acquiring.

All of the following resides in my bedroom (which is really like my own little home). It should also be said that though we have a decent home security system, my room has no motion sensors in it (those are in the main living areas of the home) and also, my room has a large, highly vulnerable window facing out to our backyard fence (a window made even more vulnerable due to the fact that I have a window AC unit installed).

For the record, on the back of these recent concerns, we are having a motion sensor installed in my room and we are also taking out quality renters insurance... but more on that below.

View of computer internals showing dual GTX 670 video cards, 16gig
of Mushkin RAM, various installed storage drives, cooling gear and the like.

The computer system is the main item I am concerned about: I use it for editing video, viewing Netflix, watching blu rays, writing, publishing to my various online concerns, gaming and such; it is a machine I personally built from scratch, having bought every single component separately and constructing, testing and troubleshooting the entire thing myself. It is not an inexpensive machine. In total, considering the various cooling apparatus' (necessary because I overclock it), the two very expensive video cards (for use in a “SLI” configuration for gaming performance) the CPU and especially the four or more hard drives I have installed, the machine cost me approximately $5000.00 to build. Furthermore, in regards to the most important use of this machine (video/audio editing and gaming), I should not have to upgrade for at least three more years from the date of this writing.

I've been a computer geek since my teen years and can say it's the most bad ass thing I've ever built; it would be crushing to lose it.

Ray Samuels "Raptor" valve amplifier, Grado GS1000 headphones and
a MHDT Labs Valve DAC

Further, my most vulnerable of personal spaces contains on the order of $4000.00 worth of high end, headphone listening equipment, including certain headphones which cost upwards of $1000.00 as a single item. Again, as with my beloved computer system, it would be devastating to have these items yanked out my back window or otherwise, some time in the next few months. And, as with the computer, and perhaps even more so, these items, in sum, have taken me more than a few years to obtain.

Humble means

I do not make a great deal of money, grossing perhaps about $35,000 a year total...and considering my other financial obligations, $10,000 worth of personal equipment would be near impossible to replace, short of the process taking a good half decade or otherwise having to borrow the money, which I simply would not do.

Further, these are, literally, the only items I personally own and which I can say would be hard to replace. 

Everything else in my possession combined, wouldn't even come close to equaling the dollar value of this gear. My car? It is valued at far less than the equipment in my home and were it stolen? My company would no doubt take care of assisting me with the replacement as it's essential towards my being able to work. And otherwise, I'm not a home owner, have no savings (short of maybe a thousand bucks, at most, in the bank on a month to month basis), no investments, no stocks, etc. I have nothing but the equipment in my room; and, expecting to lead a fairly quiet future life, not expecting or desiring to really do more than write (novels, commentary, short stories, etc.) and expecting to continue my interests in audio and video editing/capture? The equipment in my room, granted, in so far as “worldly possessions” are concerned, could be said to be about all that I've got. And, it would be a terrible affront to have them violated as I now have become concerned might be the case.

So despite how this particular public declaration of concern might sound? I feel compelled to express it. No matter what any person outside of myself might think of the writing? I still feel compelled to write it. Again, as mentioned, if only for the very real likelihood that such an event (the theft of my property) might seem incredibly coincidental in light of this publication and especially considering that my housemates and I have 18+ years behind us in this home with no such event ever occurring; again, this particular blog post would almost seem Nostradamus-like in it's accuracy and timing. Who knows? Perhaps if said equipment is lost, I can simply spend the rest of my days as a quiet and reclusive prophet of sorts? (oh, the humor) ... 

Further, I have written in the past that it has been a well known desire of those behind the so called “investigation” of myself (which I have always referred to as more of an “assault” on myself) to use such blatant and targeted theft of the very few things I own in this life and which are therefore of paramount personal value to me as a means of, quite literally, turning the emotional screws, of causing simple and extreme emotional duress. You can read about such past postings HERE … and also, HERE. And considering these person's have in the past nearly caused my death with violent PCP overdoses (covertly administered, read about it here) and have seemingly taken great joy in very effectively ostracizing me from my career and every traditional and long standing social support mechanism I had developed here in the city up until around 1999? To simply smash a window and take a guys prized possessions would be a mere drop in the bucket of the offenses committed by the so called "investigators" thus far...

What I'm going to do going forward

In light of these concerns, I've already discussed with my roommate (the lease holder) about installing an additional motion sensor in my personal room (since it's easily accessed from outside currently and in a way that would not trip any of our existing three sensors elsewhere in the home). This will be happening in the next week or two; such is already in motion.

Further, we are going to be taking out renters insurance in the next few weeks so that any loss might, at least in part, be covered and so that some semblance of recompense might occur (considering deductibles and the like, this is generally about 50% of the loss but in so far as I'm concerned, any thing would help); this as well, is already in process.

So short of this being a personal public statement? It at least shows that such concerns are simply real and worth considering to the others I live with and that we have some what of a collaborative take on the solving of these sorts of issues. I certainly did not discuss with them that my concerns are investigation related (though they are aware of my near decades long effort/fight and for all I know, might be regular readers of my blog) … but they do agree, in light of the strange events at my father's residence, that it is something we should be better prepared for.

Oh yeah … Lastly ... my car

Lots going on of late and I'll be posting a couple more articles this month that also have to do with the compromising of personal spaces (namely my car); it involves my personal vehicle and how it was in the possession of certain social circles that are, at least by proxy, associated with known informants to the investigation over the years. And, how this could have resulted in any number of “modifications” to said vehicle being made and, more likely, the simple copying of keys to make later access to said vehicle a simple affair (for any number of reasons, theft, planting of contraband, etc.). But that's another somewhat lengthy bit and I'll save the details for an entire post in and of itself...

And just for the record and somewhat associated with all of the above?

I've since decided (and vocally around those circles) to sell that same car and invest in something a bit more secure and, just because I want to upgrade, a bit larger and more capable in regards to things I like to do, like surfing and driving through deep sand and carrying boards and the like (all of which my little Sentra that was “with the enemy” a bit back, just isn't too fit for in truth); I'm considering a Subaru Outback cause I think their sexy as all get out in their pure functional design.

This vehicle upgrade will of course require me to save a bit of money over the next six months, as well a sell my current car and if “the enemy” really did make some modifications to my Sentra? If they really did copy keys in hopes of using such to gain access to my vehicle over the next few months or longer? Then diverting my attention (and possibly my income) with a home invasion involving, admittedly, personal items I'm far more fond of than my ugly little car … could be a perceived (and simple) idea on the part of “the enemy” to prevent me from getting rid of said vehicle; though, I'll get rid of it regardless of any theft of my personal property as replacing the vehicle is, by far, the more important concern.

But that's just a gross hunch/thought, not necessarily attached to any real circumstance and in that spirit, I'll be discussing it further in a coming blog post.

In the meantime...

Try to have fun.


this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website,; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Fire from the gods ...

Something every single one of you should seek out and read, that you should absorb and make a part of your selves. And, otherwise? Come to know ... 

Because it is true...

I will say nothing more about it; and if you cannot understand the reading? Initially? Then perhaps in a couple years, a few hundred...perhaps a thousand or more? You will. 

But it remains true the same. Metaphor. Allegory ... the very reason we are so blessed as human beings... the reason we persist.

In short? It's about a thief, who, ironically enough, was bound by morality to thieve.

I am only the messenger:



this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website,; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.


Thursday, April 4, 2013

Journaling is Fun! And in this case, absolutely necessary...

I live a fairly public life.

That said, I'm at the same time not much of the typical "socialite" or "party guy"  and nor do I have many (currently, anyway) friends who I spend regular, daily time with, doing the sorts of things I most enjoy doing: surfing, writing, building computers, going to rock shows, working out/training/running, competing in computing benchmark competitions, overclocking computers, recording music, shooting video, studying politics and literature and the like; I do most of these things, at home or out in public, but most times by myself.

I also eat out at restaurants on a very regular basis as well (too much, actually cause I really like Sushi and it's expensive as fuck three nights a week) and again, 99.9% of this time is by myself (unless a book counts as company because I've always got one of those or my laptop). I'm also at the gym at least five days a week.

Similarly, and for the past 13 years or so, I don't date or seek out the affections of women I might fall smitten with (and, just being honest, I fall smitten near daily; I enjoy flirting just like most persons and I certainly do flirt, but in no way does it ever move beyond that); this has not always been the case as,  prior to 1999/2000, when all this shit hit the fan, I was a rather regular guy in so far as relationships are concerned, having a few significantly important, long term relationships and quite a few of the "recreational" variety. I am approached by women occasionally and obvious affections towards me are made very well known (even outright, playful invitations) but I always digress from involvement; such things just can't coexist with my personal circumstances as they are. This is not a big deal, by the way as, like I said, I'm totally in love with my own company (happy narcissist and kind of proud of it) and sex...said simply not a priority of mine as it seems to be with most other males I know (certain of my friends simply cannot comprehend that I was completely celibate for 12 years straight). I could write a whole blog post in regards to this topic of relations and sex and partnership but that's for later.

1 can be the happiest number too, you know

All of this is to say that I'm a regularly public and social person in so far as being seen out and about around my city, and that during these times, barring the very rare exception, I am always enjoying my own company, sans any other human accompaniment.

For the most part and firstly, this is because it's a natural state for me, being happy in my own skin, enjoying my own company.  There's a reason why my long standing and traditional surfing friends and otherwise have referred to me as "solo Joelito" over the years. ;-)

Secondly, the circumstances I've been involved in over the past 13 years have somewhat required this of me as, most folks (my pre 1999/2000 and traditional social circles and the like), after hearing the sorts of things I'm supposedly involved in, or that I'm supposedly the subject of some investigation, have long since very adroitly distanced themselves from me. In fact, I have it on direct verbal confidence of others over the years that in some cases such old, traditional friends were directly approached and told to actually cease any interaction with me (by law enforcement spooks and the like) ...

And it's all good...

I feel fortunate to have grown since childhood into an adult who predominantly enjoys being by his self as it's made circumstances that would be hugely bothersome to most persons, totally endurable and even enjoyable to my own queer nature; I'm in fact happiest when alone. My mind can roam free and I can move from interest to interest to interest without being encumbered by a wife, girlfriend, some family member, best bud and (thank god) any children who might be requiring my attention or otherwise insisting that I see to some thing other than exactly what I personally care to be doing at any given moment. It's quite liberating and indeed selfish (as is anyone's right to be); I enjoy this somewhat solitary living and, I aim to maintain this personal stance/situation for the remaining days of my life here, whether I'm ever successful in proving the ongoing attentions to myself and actions against my person are real or not.

That said...

Other than my housemates, whom I trust absolutely and who know full well of my circumstances around and whom I've lived with for well nigh 7 years (or more)? And other than my co-workers (mostly family members), most of which have been brainwashed by their very real pals in federal and local law enforcement into believing that all my ranting about an investigation and misdeeds done to my person over the years are simple (and so tragic!) manifestations of an ill mind? There just aren't many other associates of mine that could speak of my daily personality and/or character in regards to the regular, waking social life I engage in, nearly 17 hours a day, every day (which leaves about 7 hours, on a good night, for sleep).

But I should qualify here, I mean, regarding my immediate family; among my siblings, there has been no outright denial of me, or otherwise, no expression of disbelief. They are all approximate of my own age and have grown up in the same time as I; and so, admittedly, versus my parent's antiquated sort of thinking? My brother and my sisters have minds a bit more dexterously inclined to accept the seemingly fantastic (thank you Hollywood!). In fact, my sisters, and one in particular, were essential, early on, in helping me to get through some of the drama and harm that was being done to me and during the beginning moments of these things.  And so, I do not generalize with that family bit, not in the least.

My parents though?

My father has certainly been coerced by his immediate and long standing East Houston social circles, even his fiance (as she's the mother of one of the Houston Police Department guys who has been active/involved in "investigating" me). My mom? Unfortunately, she's incapable of genuine rational thought as she's been so "flat lined" emotionally by her use of anti-depressants over the past 25+ years that she simply can't see beyond the Happy Haze(tm) created by such medication; any attempt to foster some sort of critical thought in her is generally smoothed over with a smile and a hug, like she's just casually patting the wrinkles out of a carpet or bed sheet (bless her heart). For instance, even after the second time I was covertly dosed with PCP, and as I tested myself in her presence, back in 2001 or so, with a pharmacy supplied "5 panel" urinalysis (at the prodding of a certain friend, bless him), even when said urinalysis showed a clear positive for PCP? Even then? She just smiled and patted me on the back, "Oh, that could be from all kinds of things," she said. I still have that 5 panel urinalysis card, too. Funny the things we hold on too, huh?

But other than these folk? My housemates, co workers and immediate family? There just aren't many persons (close, personal friends) to attest to my regular behaviors in public.

And, considering that the most prevalent and ongoing tactic model of those behind the investigation is to somehow, and legally, relegate me to a completely different living circumstance, a new home environment, a new job, possibly to a new state or city, even...and considering that the de facto and traditional method used as a means of realizing this goal has been (and is, since it's never been successful) to forcibly and wrongfully incriminate me around circumstances that involve questionable behavior and even more importantly, supposed tendencies towards memory loss and especially sexually deviant behavior? Then not having a typical close-knit, daily group of friends/confidants who spend significant amounts of time with me every day could, potentially, make arguing my way out of such a forced incrimination circumstance somewhat difficult.

And so, in large part, this is why I write here on this blog somewhat regularly; it's a way of putting myself "out there," so to speak, of conversing in a manner that's recognizably intelligible and as a way of constantly making the public aware that, well, I'm aware.

But a  Daily Log Might Help

As I will be writing about soon, my personal vehicle was recently in the possession of certain social groups that I have known to be working as active participants in the ongoing motions against me (my father's East Houston social circles); I'm going to author a short blog post about this as it should go on public record for sure, but in brief: I had some body-work done on my year 2000 Nissan Sentra which involved it being at a business associates (a body shop) of my father's for about a week. I initially protested this choice of repair shops but since our company was paying for it and since I just wanted to get it done, I eventually just went along with it.

This of course being critical as any number of things could have occurred during that time. Any sort of manipulation of that personal space of mine (my car) could have occurred which, a week or even a year from now might in some way be beneficial to those wishing to manipulate my life: keys could have been made to later gain entry and plant any sort of contrived evidence, surveillance equipment could have been installed, GPS devices, etc. All of that being quite outlandish and a bit of a stretch if taken out of context of but knowing what I've been through already and to date? Knowing well what those behind the investigation still desire in regards to manipulating my future? It's not outlandish at all...

But I'll write more about the car thing, later...

My point here is to further compound the fact that these motions against my person continue and that, unlike the normal, unconcerned citizen? I in fact must reserve some small percentage of my consciousness, daily, for continual concern, to be always aware, always a bit on guard if you will...or at the very least? All the time prepared to deal with the sorts of circumstances I know the investigators would like to manufacture in my life.

This isn't to say I'm "hyper-vigilant" (as your typical psychiatry-whore might lust after describing it), or that I'm obsessive or compulsively bothered by such knowledge, as I am not. It's simply to say that unlike most persons, I have things going on other than naturally rhythmic living, unconscious and frivolous play time,  and a otherwise normal and unmolested working life. And so I have to take subtle, small but persistent measures here and there to compensate for this. The blog you are currently reading and my main website,, are perfect examples of this.

A daily, public journal, for instance, is something I will be implementing very soon and in some way, it will be attached to each passing month visible in the right hand menu of this blog. This as a means of personally and very, very briefly chronicling the loose moments of each of my days and as time goes by.

For each month, it will most likely be a repeating entry, entitled something like, "Today" ... or otherwise, some simple descriptor. I'll simply edit the same entry each day, adding a new date header, with a very concise description of that days events (woke 4am; gym till 7am; work and home by 4pm; home and crashed by 9pm ... etc.).

Or, alternately (and this might work better as it won't so clutter this particular blog) ... I may form an entirely new blog dedicated to only those sorts of daily transcriptions... perhaps something entitled ... hmmm, has a  sort of  ring to it, no? ;-)

This certainly won't be a diary but it will be a fairly precise, if brief accounting of the days events. I've done this sort of thing in the past (though not publicly) and in truth, it's sort of enjoyable to end a day in such a fashion as I get a fairly healthy overview of what I've done and as well, can think about where I might like to change/improve.

But I won't be writing just for fun...

I'll be doing this for obvious reasons...but, it will not be for fun or recreation or because I just wanted to make something.

No, there will be purpose (if but simple) in my daily accounting of actions.

And so, pause with me now if you will, suspend disbelief, flip internal switches which relegate the function of such and consider for a moment a  rather fantastic scenario:

Say a month from now, I go to a restaurant and have a few drinks. Say I'm sitting at the restaurant one minute and the next minute I'm waking up in a holding cell of an incarceration facility, with no memory of the space between when I left the restaurant and when I woke in the holding cell. Say I'm then approached by some member of that facility I woke in who explains that I was apprehended by a beat cop while attempting to solicit sex from a prostitute and that my pants were around my ankles and that I'd even attempted to assault this person in some way? Imagine that I'm then told that a search of my vehicle revealed that I had several different types of controlled substances under the seat or in my trunk? Pharmaceuticals, heroine, PCP, cocaine? And that to make matters worse, questionable pornographic content was also found and some sort of feminine affects or artifacts that would need to be explained? And even more horrible (and this is actually a known desired ploy of the investigators but more on this in another blog post)? And even more effective in so far as casting me in a worrisome light? A light that would absolutely seem to indicate the "potential to do harm to himself or others"? Say a gun was also found in my vehicle?

Now it should go without saying, I don't solicit sex from prostitutes and any person close to me over the years, especially family members, should be able to attest to my rather vocal disdain of men who are so impulsively driven as to actually (the idea is incomprehensible to me) pay for sex. I don't hold disdain for prostitutes, not by any means. I myself have prostituted my body, when very young and addicted to drugs and needing money (it was actually my girlfriend at the time, similarly troubled, who put me up to the act); the details, though known by several of my close friends are not important here. And so having some history in the world, knowing a bit of growing pains and pain in general, I certainly don't hold disdain for those ladies (or men, even) who might find it necessary to so sustain themselves.

Similarly, I don't do drugs. Though I had a well known and publicly recognized cocaine addiction for about a year (that's all it took to do me in) as a 15/16 year old and though I actually did a little jail time for such shortly thereafter, I have never revisited said substance and nor will I ever. Nor do I partake of pharmaceuticals of any kind; I find such drugs completely abhorrent and frightening in their addictive qualities. I have at least one family member who does drugs and could even be said to be very much under the addictive control of such and I pity them, but I personally? I have a very firm and personal moral stance around such things and, not since around 15 years of age or so,  have I or do I indulge in such. I drink alcohol somewhat regularly, perhaps one (some times two) days a week but generally at my home. I don't regularly smoke weed either and am certainly not in the habit of purchasing such.

And I certainly don't drive around with a gun in my car and nor do I own one or even slightly feel compelled to have one; I simply have no interest in such things. But it's true that in so far as a fantastical and imagined scenario is concerned? One which has as an absolute objective the casting of an otherwise normal citizen in a worrisome light? Nothing would be quite so effective as drugging said person into a crazed and incomprehensible state and then feigning to have found that person with drugs and a gun in his car (just consider the current and outlandish political climate around such things currently and as I write).

But continuing ...

All of that was to simply (and not too expertly as I'm writing fast and don't really care much to edit) create an imagined scenario, one that, in light of what I've been involved in, is not hard for me to imagine playing out. Hard for you, as an outsider/reader but certainly not a stretch for my mind (which is fairly sound, BTW) ... ;-)

But should something resembling the above illustrated, false and fantastic sequence of events actually occur? What then would I do? What the fuck could I do? What would I say?

My only defense in such a situation would be to indicate my past 13 years of work around and this blog. Also, the fact that I've documented my days well up until that point (via the implementation of a public journal I am discussing here), with at least a few family members and friends who could attest to the truth of my days and said documentation.

Of course, at that point, the obvious and cliche and expected argument would be some sort of mental illness on my part and that "this fits all the classic profiles" for text book schizophrenia and the like; it goes without saying (though I said it) that this would be the immediate rebuttal.

Hell, even if I said I had been drugged at the above imagined restaurant  that "someone must have slipped something in my drink," ... the organizers of the thing would claim that blood tests had been done and came back negative (or they were in the process of being done and would ultimately come back negative).

Again, this would be outlandish as a plain thought; but, as discussed many times, the political origins of this thing arise out of very real and legitimate local and federal law enforcement entities associated with my immediate family and to manipulate a drug screen wouldn't even begin to make a figurative dent in the resources these groups command. The results would come back negative (of course) and they'd simply argue that I'd had a violent and psychotic break brought on by the two or three drinks I might have had at the restaurant I was patronizing (two or three drinks consumed over about three hours, which is generally how long and how much I consume when I go out with my laptop to sit and write).

And of course, as mentioned, when and if I took it to the or level, were I to indicate these works and point to them as a possible basis for my claims of the above scenario being manufactured?  The proverbial "they" would again immediately argue some sort of mental illness as the basis' of my indications. And further, ultimately, the very writings themselves visible in and here on this blog, would eventually be argued away by some tool of the pschotherapeutic/psychiatric community as a vast and elaborate imagining of mine, a "manifestation of his psychosis," and that it is "indicative of just how troubling his condition is." And, I could even see an argument being made, in that light, that the immediate removal of such content from public availability would be "the first, best and most effective means of setting Joel on a course to recovery." Believe it. Shit man, I don't just make this shit up you know... ;-)

But in the end, they would be arguing that because I can't prove something, because I can't, in a matter of fact manner, demonstrate to others that such things have transpired? Or simply because those persons (several former and actual numbered informants to the investigation) who have actually and personally confided in me certain things related to the ongoing actions against myself cannot, for other very legal reasons, come forward and vocally back me in a civil suit, that this then gives them the right to cite "mental illness;" and that is simply not a claim of right that can be reasonably made.

But once in a legal setting? Once one such (as the above imagined) scenario plays out and once I am at the mercy of a court proceeding? Then no protestations on my part would matter as, though I for the most part hold our judicial system in a very high regard, though I feel it's practitioners (district attorneys, judges, and even a few lawyers) are doing an invaluable service to our system of democracy and our constitutional ideal, I nonetheless must admit that when the outright snake oil of popular psychiatry enters the proceedings? Then all bets are off as, unfortunately, the judicial system really has come to believe "that snow is black" in regards to the claims made by the practitioners of that inane, unscientific and self serving fraternity (psychiatry). By the way? That "snow is black" reference, just above? It's a direct quote from one Bertrand Russell, whose philosophy I personally and completely despise. I think the man an imperialist dolt, and his public thinking echos that claim. Just a bit of trivia...

But that horrible and imagined situation/illustration above is just that, a terrible and awful pondering and it has not occurred and so I don't want to dwell on such things (though I just did, if but briefly and albeit, necessarily).

And so all of that was to say this...

Yet in the event some thing like that does play out?

I would at least have a somewhat intelligible and coherent decade long trail of writing and data to point to. I would at least have housemates and co workers who could testify to my otherwise normal social behaviors before finding myself in such an out of character circumstance as illustrated above. And, I would at least have a daily log of my general daily actions...

I'll be implementing just such a daily log in the next few days.

I apologize to any of you who have signed up for the email alerts as changes are made here as you'll be getting them daily; you could simply unsubscribe if it gets bothersome. But then again, the more I think about it, the more it seems appropriate to form a completely secondary and separate blog to handle such daily, brief descriptions as the course of this one is somewhat set at this point.

Updates to come...

Yours in the strange and unbelievable,

this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website,; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.


The Official Daily Blog

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Houston, Texas, United States
This blog is a supplementary text to my main website at: The purpose of this blog is to form a semi daily dialogue related to personal circumstances as outlined in have fun.