Memento(tm)

This is somewhat of a re post. 

I got the title and was reminded of the subject matter as we recently rented the very excellent film, "Memento" here at my household; the film, of course, being about the dude who has some real issues with memory and ultimately starts tattooing shit all over his body in an attempt to remember; I thought it fitting as a title.

;-)

I'll primarily be copying material from previous blogs, as I've written about the subject of memory loss on many, many occasions; not that I suffer from it, necessarily but only because it's been known to me from the very beginnings of the so called "investigation" against me that one of the main tools used by those who have made very literal set up attempts against me is the manufactured appearance of my having some sort of memory dysfunction.

This would be accomplished, explicitly, by first incriminating me around circumstances that appear to indicate memory loss, then searching my premises and finding some "memento" if you will...property I couldn't explain, most likely a woman or child's effect of some sort as this would be the most cliche and immediate way to indicate concern of any given numbers of potentially worrisome subjects (think women's panties, a child's toy or some other thing that would seem rather strange when found in my closet or under my bed). 

It's hilarious to read that, even for me, but knowing those behind the ongoing efforts against me very well, it's actually quite a serious statement.

Due to the recent Holiday season and the fact that I was out and about partying here and there...this is even more important.

Before I get in to regurgitating old writings that are still pertinent today (I'll probably just link to them)...I'll first discuss a certain recent event that bears mentioning.


Folks Property at Work

I work in a generally very public environment, a family owned tire company. I deal with peoples personal property, mostly vehicles, on a daily and regular basis. I got over any apprehension about doing these things many many years ago but it still crosses my mind.

It's also important to note that it's my father's friends (totally unbeknownst to him) who have acted as informants and very active participants in the investigation over the years; some of them have even confided in me these things directly. Across the board, especially early on, they worked very hard to foster in him the idea that I was paranoid schizophrenic (though in my mid 30's and never exhibiting any signs of such) and also, even at one point were pushing him to have me committed as a ward of the state (which resulted in my drafting Power of Attorney documents to take away any (emegency based) immediate decision making rights from my parents).

Further, several of these friends are regular and active duty members of the Houston Police Department; more importantly though as I know this group to be the most active and current participants, the Houston Sheriff's department.

Funny story? The Sheriff Dept. is the one who had a C.A.R.E. sign installed across our property many years ago and before I got a complete handle on what was going on around me; for your information, C.A.R.E. stands for "Child Adult Restraint Education." Creepy, huh? I thought so too. This was many years ago, maybe 2002 or so, that the sign was installed, literally, directly across from my work; and, for the life of me I've never been able to discover proof that this supposed "recovery" program for pedophiles even ever existed. Nobody at the Houston Sheriff Dept. seemed to know anything about it (as I checked in to it at the time) but the sign was there for quite some time, nonetheless. Maybe they just couldn't find enough offenders and so it never took off? Like a bad movie or something? I'm not sure...

Anyway, regarding folks property at work and the possibility that it might be used in some action against me in the near or distant future...


Here's a very recent example...

Just yesterday I had to work on a woman's Nissan Frontier...something about her spare tire not working correctly or otherwise having a flat or something. She was in her 30's, very attractive and had her little girl with her. In fact, she is the wife of one of these above mentioned family friends who are active patrol duty members of the Houston Police Dept. I highly doubt that it was incrimination related but I like to cover bases and so I write about it...

This was the same cop/wife duo, who a bit back, were leaving all sorts of high powered body building "N.O.S." style supplements for me and my brother to sample ... round about the exact same time that I discovered that "they" (the investigators) were going to try for some idiotic hat trick where I was made to appear psychotic due to a combination of elements, among them...you guessed it, body building supplements ... but the actual "hat trick" would have been accomplished by a very literal drugging of myself, similar to those that have already occurred.

But back to the lady and her kid and my work on their vehicle; from the beginning it was a very big deal, almost a production of sorts.

She didn't know how to get the spare down and so straight away opened all the car doors and her and her girl started walking around looking under seats and what not. As it is my job to do so, I immediately climbed in and began assisting with the search. The first words that came out of her mouth were, "Pardon my car but I basically live in my truck." 

And boy was she not kidding... 

Laying all about, in not so disorderly a fashion were all sort of  her *and* her child's personal effects: brushes, dolls, little dresses, perfume bottles, makeup dispensers, all sorts of personal items of clothing, Barretts and you name it. It was almost like a women's/children's adornment store.

We finally found the tools necessary to lower the spare and I went about my job, making very occasional small talk with her and her daughter as I worked...they were actually very nice and conversant, pleasant to speak with. Throughout this time, all of the car doors were open and on many occasions, these two were nowhere in site; I mean to say, I was at times alone with the vehicle. My job involved my moving around the full extents of the car;  this was in no way abnormal.

But should some incrimination attempt be made, in the near or distant future, that seems to indicate apparent memory loss? Should a subsequent search of my home occur and some such item was found? Then what would be my explanation? 

Even more worth noting is the timing. This all occurred on a Wednesday and for the Monday and Tuesday before that I had actually called in and taken off work because of a very real and hard-core hangover recovery from partying at my house (playing video games, writing, Facebooking and what not, the weekend before). Not that I had any moments of memory loss but it certainly was bad enough getting over the fun that I most definitely did not want to be anywhere near 16 pound sledge hammers and the 400+ pound tires that we have to use them on. Trust me, it's not for this blog but my day job could be considered the Penultimate of Evil(tm) when considering seeing to duties with a mean-ass (think sweats/shakes, etc.) hangover.

So anyways, I note this here for posterity and because frankly, I like writing and as my fingers fly (oh, 120 words a minute with very few errors)...I don't know...I get a sense of calm. ;-) 

And further, I quite like the cop whose wife I worked for but he's certainly aware of the proceedings against me...and though occasionally active as a participant (mostly "keyword/subject matter conversational investigation" and the like), has nonetheless been nothing but civil with me over the years. This was my first time meeting his wife and child and they were nice enough too ... but like I mentioned in my previous blog post, once "blood is in the water" ...and especially involving supposed issues of sex and children, then folks can be convinced to connive in any number of ways if they have been made to believe that it's for the "supposed" good of the target subject and that a subject is in need of such less than honest action. 

Trust me, I've  had some of my (now previous) best friends on the planet (12 stepper mental sorts) literally steal things from me for various investigation related reasons (mostly related to certain ex's of mine) as the psycho whackjobs behind the thing thought it to be nothing more than interesting content for perusal... so random acquaintances?  Shit man...I can only imagine the lengths they could go to, nice folk or not.

An old example too

This happened quite some time ago (mid 2005) but it's also still pertinent. A close surfing friend of mine and his wife had they're home broken into and some of her personal effects were stolen, panties and what not. Girl things. 

Now, it's somewhat of a sex crime cliche (think popular television crime dramas) that sexual perverts like to steal panties...I don't know, for the purposes of "sniffing" or masturbating with and perhaps this really happens but I've never dreamt of such and have no friends who have ever been in to such (though I have some friends into some freaky shit, for sure). It's one of those icky things that seems to instantly capture the imaginations of the viewing public as, pscyho-whack job types love talking about these sort of things in ominous and scary tones...pretty much explicitly in regards to male offenders. Women apparently do other cool and icky stuff like cut guys cocks off and what not but that's not the point here. The point is the psycho-cliche of adult male sex offenders, purportedly doing things such as the above ... and, I can think of two examples of such TV shows that featured such... (the panty thing) ... it's true.

The investigators told them (my friends) that this was a sign of somebody possibly planning a sexual assault on the woman; at that time, the motions against me were extremely hot and heavy (no pun) and I immediately wrote on my main website, JBHFILE.com about the event (bottom of this page, here). And for literally, months after that event...in my earlier, also very public work, folks kept coming up to our places of public employment, making obvious attempts to see what sort of cigarettes I smoked (yes, I smoked at the time) ... as though a cigarette butt were somehow important for something or that maybe one had been found somewhere to supposedly link me to some event (maybe the one I just now discussed).

This was important at the time as the woman in question was, at that time, but not now, best friends with a certain ex of mine whom I had a rather lengthy and important relationship with and which I knew for a fact the psycho-whack jobs were attempting to force some semblance of my having an ongoing obsession with (though it couldn't have been further from the truth). This is also the ex that a friend of mine stole certain, innocuous video content of (DVD of her and I hanging out) ... right out from under my nose, actually and around the same time. Harmless content, but psycho-whack jobs who have had their imaginations piqued imagine they can "glean" important information from the viewing of such and therefore why I think he was convinced to steal it from me.

It's very old but still pertinent. Why? Because it could possibly be used to demonstrate memory dysfunction...even now...if some event warranted a search of my home and some of those old artifacts associated with their home break in were to be found around me or somehow in my possession; it stands mentioning, here.


Childhood events

Also known to me (and also of perverse interest to psycho-whackjobs) is a great interest in detailed discussion of any and all sexual events in early childhood. Think 5 to 10 years old...and as a very publicly known and addressed molestation victim (read here about it), these events, which I personally assume happen in most children's lives, become even more fascinating. Not so much as impacting events on my adult life but more so just cause the whack-jobs are curious and might want to right a journal article or something. 

Now I certainly recall such early instances and I don't really feel the need to discuss them publicly, unless somebody is curious and forthcoming in simply requesting...and so it's not my habit to go around thinking about them or much less discussing them (think playing doctor and other curious sexual explorations among friends, of the opposite or same for that matter, sex).

But the proverbial they seem utterly riveted by the potential for such discussion. 

For the life of me, I can't imagine how such a forum would be created, other than as some layered process/approach that would come up post some incrimination attempt regarding more recent, SUPPOSED, events ... but still ... it's a known hallmark of the memory dysfunction tack of the thing and one which I only mention briefly here.


Other writings regarding memory dysfunction

Following, find listed by linked title, the other writings on this blog and my main website that I've listed as potentially associated with the memory dysfunction angle:


1. The Black Out Fantasy

2. Memory Dysfunction as a Tool for Incrimination

3. Covert Druggings      (some of which have been related to memory dysfunction)

4. Regarding Memory Loss

...

Till next time, kiddies.

(Shit, maybe that was the best expression)

...


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this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------

jbh.

Blood in the Water (draft) ...

As is my typical wont...once I start writing here, I tend to have a string of posts; one important point sets me to churning on other important points (and there's a lot of important points to point out, if you will)...and so, I simply don't stop till I feel like it's all been said.

DISCLAIMER: Also, before I get into this...let me reiterate as I have on countless occasions before that everything I write here is based completely on hypothesis; nothing is matter of fact and nothing should be read as such. Call these things "strong hunches," or even, "intuition," ... simple bits of information I muse on which are directly related to the very factual information made public in my main website, JBHFILE.COM. I mean face it .. to read all of this as factual, especially without any prior knowledge of my circumstances? Well fuck, that would  just be crazy, huh? ;-) ... But I do get strong hunches and I do enjoy pondering on things and so that's why this blog exists.

Back to business...

So in the works is a bit regarding the exceptional vantage point that 14 years of being the subject of very persistent, very thorough and very damaging "rumor mill" and slander operations has allowed me in the way of understanding the freakishness of certain human, social dynamics. 

I've watched this closely over the years, most times with much discomfort (though this has gotten easier over time) but all the while with very real fascination; yes, even throughout this ongoing ordeal I've found some way to educate myself about the  human condition and have, in not so many words, very much grown in a social sense.
And also, what will follow isn't so much things I want to expose or that might be perpetrated against me (as this is the usual tack here); but rather, it is a sort of personal and mental diatribe, a personal bit of commentary, purely sociological/psychological in nature and as random as can be. But still ... it's something I feel to be worth writing about.


Blood in the Water

So what could potentially happen in a persons public/social dynamic when said person becomes the subject of a rumor and slander operation, pushed upon literally every one of that persons past and ongoing/new social circles? What happens when said rumor/slander operation morphs into some sordid and political, local and ego driven assault on said person? An assault that has as it's literal basis the absolute destruction of that persons social strata, up to and including his personal relationships, family relationships, career opportunities and especially any chance for some semblance of any "normal" intimate relationship with any member of the opposite sex that should strike his fancy? 

And by far most importantly, an assault (or investigation as "they" would put it) that has as an all encompassing goal, the absolute proof that everything they have claimed about a person is not only true but very much warranted (burden of proof is the legal jargon). 

What can he surmise (and possibly observe) that might be going on in the minds and demeanor of those surrounding him on a daily basis? 

And especially, what can he observe in those persons who might have been fed countless lies about his supposed personal habits and tendencies which, in my case, across the board, would have to do with anything sexual and especially anything sexually nefarious. 

In this latter regard, think topics such as pedophilia or even more likely, my supposed attempts to seek sexual attentions from persons far too young for a 45 year old man, or think the normal social interaction which might occur with the teen or 20-something working at any given coffee house or bar I might habitually frequent, or think about something as harmless as spending time with my young nephews and nieces...or even something so socially benign as smiling at a beautiful kid who happens to be walking by with their parents, possibly even commenting on such...these sorts of things? 

What might these very regular and normal social interactions mutate into in the minds of those who might have been made to believe any given number of horrible things about an individual and as they observe these otherwise normal interactions? How might the general public (if under the spell of the rumor campaign) react to such an individual/target when he simply attempts to go about his normal social existence like any other citizen?

Well in short, it's fairly frightening, take it from me (but as mentioned above, it's gotten easier over the years); because, once the proverbial blood is in the water, once the seed has been planted in that "social mind," then even the most benign of public interactions, all of them in fact, can grow into literal and imaginary monsters in the minds of the observing public: mere glances become the apparent evidence of inappropriate attraction; simply pulling behind the wrong car when leaving from a restaurant might be  interpreted as possible signs of stalking; and, casual banter with certain individuals? A sure sign of possible sexual predatory behavior.

Sounds far fetched? Not really. Again...take it from me. I've watched it with utter fascination (and at times, fear) over the years.

Secondly, and in a clinical sense, it's somewhat fucking amazing to this writer that such psychological operations involving a target subject (in this case, myself) can be so damned effective and thoroughly achieved.

This is made even more outstanding in a sociological sense when you consider that I'm 45 years of age, have had (prior to this) a hugely successful career, have had (prior to this) countless incredibly awesome and very intimate relationships with all sorts of women (all of which were my age, mind you)...and have never once even thought about, much less attempted, "hitting on" or making advances on someone beyond 3 to 4 years my junior. Also and especially, that I've a literal wealth of family history with siblings, cousins, personal friends, nieces, nephews and otherwise as testimony to my (gross to even have to address this here) conduct around children for chrissake.  

And yet the operation/assault still works! 

That said as not so much of a character defense as a true exploration of how unbelievable it its. Damned amazing, and this is nothing "Stockholm-esque" (the syndrome), just a genuine and personal fascination/appreciation for such things as a "tactic model" for the social destruction of a targeted individuals life and well being. I mean, it's damned impressive.

And the only explanation is that said mentioned "rumor mill" and the very persistent "slander operations" must certainly have originated from some pretty damned well respected (socially) sources (think FBI, local police and especially and possibly, high ranking political figures and even University specialists who might reside in the Houston area).

Suffice it to say, these are the sorts of things I will discuss in the continuation of this particular blog.  But it's not so much that last bit, my almost having to "defend" my past personal history, that I will discuss. More so  it's about the general public...how a normal social landscape, restaraunts, pubs, bookstores ... even a gym ... can become a literal social experimentation petridish in regards to observing the reactions within the general public while interacting with a person who has been so described by supposed "authorities" as "under investigation " or "a possible pedophile," or "a stalker," or a "hacker," or worse.

Because, said plainly? Once blood is in the water, once entire social groups have been saturated with particular and damning claims regarding a specific individual? Then frankly, those minds that have been convinced can really go fucking crazy with wild imaginings ... as though they almost want to believe, want to see some indication to confirm the claims they've heard...and, speaking strictly of my own opinion in regards to such? I think it could get pretty crazy...

(to be continued... and, as I find time to stop and write)

...

Rock.

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this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.
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jbh.

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Training material for sex addicts

Since my last blog post was just so damn serious (and pretty fucking intimate to boot!). I thought it would be appropriate to post a bit of personally created, super fun, super sexual video content to disturb all the 12 Stepper Sex Fiends(tm) who might be lurking out there, cringing at every simple utterance of the words "vagina" or "breast" or "cock." Or otherwise, simply to lighten the mood and all ... cause face it, *nothing* is *that* serious ... (is it?) ... 

:-) ... Humor? Remember that? And so...

Yes, it's you I was speaking of in the last blog, the guys who are actually ashamed of their attraction to beautiful women (for whatever therapy induced reason). 

These are the guys I've personally known who couldn't even have a beer with me without having to "call their sponsor" because (ACK!) a super hot woman just happened to walk by our table with her mid drift exposed and (the worst!) might have accidentally brushed up against their chair...you know, the damaged sort who've had their brains so soaked in the rhetoric of popular "recovery" (ie: "Sex Anonymous" and the like), that they were never even able to have a friendship with a woman, much less a sexual relationship.

DISCLAIMER: I mean no slant on the true sex addicts, here because I know they are out there...but these are not the guys I'm talking about. My long past personal friends who I refer too here couldn't have gotten layed if they tried, much less have had daily sex with strangers or any of the other true aberrant behavior patterns that genuine sex addiction counts as hallmarks; so please don't mis-read. 

But that's all getting way off the point of this supposedly fun and light hearted post... and so I digress ...


So, the other night!!

So the other night, I went up to a local Houston bar where a certain surfing friend of mine is a server. I just wanted to have a few beers and talk shit. I had never been to this certain bar, and as it turns out...it was sort of a "hoity toity" bit of high dollar affair that just happened to feature regular weekend "burlesque" shows (as well as really good drinks). And, when I say "Burlesque," I mean in the classic sense of dramatic skits and dialogue, punctuated with really sexual dance numbers which always sort of support the ongoing drama. It's nearly pornographic but in a very classy sense and super humorous and entertaining at the same time. 

Personally? I fucking loved it, never saw it coming. And, I've already talked to my sister and brother and other friends about coming out for drinks there again some time. 

But in the spirit of fucking with the therapy-damaged-sex-freaks (and also to pimp my personal YouTube(tm) channel (especially my world famous "Insomnia Series(tm)" ) ... I just *had* to post this bit of love that I shot and edited about three weeks ago at my buds bar (Prohibition Craft of Cocktails! if ever in Houston, check 'em out!) ... 

...

Enjoy!

...

(BTW! : I encourage you to view the video at YouTube proper cause it looks a whole hell of a lot better there than the little, in-line video below does; just a tip)

...

...

So awesome.

I hope it makes you damaged sorts call your sponsor or go to a meeting.

Personally? I think it's gorgeous.

But then again, I'm a well known local Houston Sexual Predator(tm) ... ahem ...  according to certain local law enforcement (and collegiate, as well) authorities, anyway ... and other than being WAY too old for me? I think she's super fucking sexy.

;-)

Humor. Remember. Without it, all of us involved in this ugly tryst would be lost.

OH Yeah!

Also in the spirit of fun, if you care to see any more of the near monthly "Insomnia Series(tm)" vids that I personally produce and shoot in and around my regular haunts, here in Houston? Just check out my YouTube channel, yo!:

Here's a handy link: Joel's YouTube Channel(tm)

Rock the fuck.

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this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.
-------------------------------------------------------

jbh.

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A Cult of Molestation

I was "molested" as a kid.

This should not come as a surprise to any of my family members (or anyone else close to me from that period). It's public. It's been public for decades. It has been addressed in countless therapy sessions of old; it is no secret and it has certainly not been left unaddressed in an emotional or psychological or formative sense.

It happened between the ages of 9 and 11. It was non-violent, and occurred over a couple years. That's about it. It involved oral sex (him on me) and not a whole lot else. There is no shame in me around this and fuck, I certainly have no problems discussing the event publicly (as I'm about to demonstrate).


Why Discuss Such History Here?

My reasons for having to (yet again!) discuss these moments in public is *only* because the psycho therapeutic "whackjobs" behind the ongoing, so called, "investigation" of myself are hell bent on slotting me in to some (legally mandated) therapeutic circles where such early year sexual experiences are not just simple experiences ... but rather, to the popular psycho therapeutic practitioner, they become, supposedly (in the victim's later life) nearly religious "sign posts," indications, hallmarks of the victims personal likelihood to, yes, you guessed it ... unknowingly and under the spell of that  near magical childhood experience, become MOLESTERS themselves!!  Oh, the horror!! 

(I make a bit of fun with the above, dramatic intro...it's true. But I also think that popular psycho trend/thought is (mostly) fucking bollocks, personally, but for the sake of brevity, I will digress...)

So ... either consult my late teen therapy records or grab a bag of popcorn and get ready to read about it first hand, here in 2013 ... yet again .. mostly because I wouldn't change a thing (regarding my past) but also because somebody has to, at some  point, stand up to the bullies who preach (pursue) the  current day psycho-whackery. And in this case, it must be me; I am not pleased with this task but I undertake it...

So here are the sordid details, abbreviated as they may be...


The Details...

It was an older boy from the neighborhood that was responsible. He coaxed me in to the situation around activities that I liked ... fishing, the woods, etc. I never mentioned names in the old therapy sessions and nobody asked. But we talked about it. 

At the time of the event, I was way too young to even know what molestation was, or that guys generally weren't sexually involved with other guys, or that sexual activity, it's very self...was something that a 9 year old shouldn't be partaking in with another, much older kid from the neighborhood. I just didn't know...

And besides, as 9 year old (and earlier) kids will do .. I had already had harmless little sexual encounters with others, much earlier in my short life and I figured this was just the same sort of thing.

So it happened...

Eventually, as I aged and socialized and started having girlfriends and otherwise maturing. I simply told this older guy (who I now know to have been a genuine pedophile) something of the following sort: "No. Fuck off." And yes, those were about the exact words I used.

And I never saw or talked to the guy again after that. 

And after those late teen therapy sessions, I certainly never intended to cough it all back up in to some public forum (such as this) and nor did I ever expect to have a bunch of psycho-therapy whack-jobs completely OBSESSED with me and the idea that I should somehow, at 45 years of age, make said experience in to some current day "issue" or otherwise something I needed to flaunt around or identify myself with as a human being.


The Cult of Molestation

The above term is perhaps offensive to some of you who might find yourselves stuck in that strange world of "recovery" or "therapy" or "issues" or what have you; and, for that I apologize as I truly think those persons who remain bothered by such early experiences should enjoy and seek the assistance of the professional community should they find it necessary.

But on the other hand, as with the current psychiatric trend to medicate even the most minor of mood conditions, I find that there's also a similarly ugly trend on the part of the psychiatric establishment to, in a very real sense, "trap" their patients in what could only be called an ongoing spiral of shame and social/sexual discomfort; I mean face it, these so called "doctors" are in the business of making money and the very livelihood of their profession depends on a carefully maintained "herd" of abuse victims. And far be it from me or anyone else to discount the fact that many of them will manufacture the so called need for ongoing council and "treatment." Look up the term iatrogenic to read more about such. 

I am certainly not claiming that the whole of psycho therapeutic practitioners exhibit this horrid tendency but I'm certainly saying those involved in the ongoing assault on my person, are.

And with most of this, I don't speak so much from my own experience as I've painstakingly resisted the "career molestation" circles  for the past 25 years or so, but I speak out of experience with very real persons/friends my own age and whom I've known since childhood who themselves are very much embedded in that culture.

The folks I speak of, the real lifelong "therapy addicts," are the folks who, unlike  myself (thank god) have really never even had any sort of normal social/sexual life because of the fact that they have been made so hugely (and literally) fucked in the head by the very process' which supposedly were to benefit them.

Really, it's terrible what's been done to these folk, the huge damage that's been done.

I know of men who can't even playfully and verbally objectify when a beautiful woman enters the room ("jeezus, her ass!," etc.) as to do so immediately triggers what could only be called a spasm of shame and discomfort. 

These same men are the sort who have been coerced into attending 12 step programs such as Sex Anonymous and the like because they might have masturbated and felt so ashamed they wanted to commit suicide.

Other men I've known have been made to believe that there was something wrong with them because they might have slept in the same bed with their parents or some other inane and idiotic hat trick of the psycho therapeutic establishment. 

Or even that childhood sexual exploration among their close friends of the time should be something of concern in there later life and must constantly be regarded as a defining characteristic of their adult self.

And worse. 

I mean, it's a huge cluster fuck that these persons have built for themselves, all at the throne of some "establishment" which guarantees it's own longevity and very existence on perpetuating the supposed influence of such distant, early events.

I pity these people and am genuinely relieved to have avoided that terrible fate. Even if it means being forcibly cordoned to the confines of a minimum wage job for the remainder of my days or otherwise having my current day social/professional opportunities hamstrung (which has been the predominate method of harassment used against me over the past 14 years or so); to me, it's worth it. I simply cannot abide by the idea of sacrificing truth for the sake of personal comfort/gain and so I carry on.


Not a Vendetta

It should be made very clear at the same time that I am in no way on some sort of personal vendetta against the psycho therapeutic community. This is simply not the case. I believe the practice of psycho therapy has value and I know of many persons who have benefited greatly from interaction with the specialists therein...myself foremost among them.

That said, my reasons for writing here are far different...

I write and will continue to write due to the fact that the so called "investigators" involved in the ongoing case/assault against me are actively attempting to dredge up the above mentioned topics which I addressed as a younger man in therapy and to build a current day, public forum around such.

As discussed at my main site, JBHFILE.COM, one of the early defining characteristics of the investigators was to attempt to use any sort of "smear" or offense or topic from my past as a means to build a very specific current day image of myself.  In other words, it's not my having any personal reason or concerns that would drive me in to such circumstances but more specifically, because they have a reason for it. They have a stake in again making such things public; they have things to gain from it.

Shit man...other than being stalked relentlessly for the past 14 years? Other than having every one of my social circles infiltrated and ultimately destroyed (along with my career as a software interface designer)? ... I'm about as happy as a lark with myself regarding things sexual and life in general; I certainly never find myself pondering visiting a therapist for fuck sake. 

But as discussed before, in the end the motions against me are ego based. Further, the supposed legal reasons the investigation was based on so many years ago (going on 1.5 decades, now) and which I've never been able to confront, are in large part dictated to continue for reasons of "burden of proof," the legal jargon for a law enforcement agency having the responsibility to prove that their actions (and claims of criminal activity around a person) are in fact, warranted.

But because I'm not much into criminal activity (other than the occasional movie or .mp3 download) the ongoing efforts of the "investigators" and their cohorts are driven mostly by ego...needing/wanting to be seen as "right" among their respective peers and especially the communities that have been mobilized against me. 


On a happier note

It feels good to be moving into yet another new year; considering what I deal with daily and nightly, 365 days of the year...I feel so very fortunate to have my sanity, health and at least some semblance of income with which to sustain myself (horrendous as the labor might be).

I had written some year or so ago about a personal physical routine of betterment and this is continuing into and throughout the new year. Over the holidays, I had a bit of a self-induced reprieve from such physical training regimes as I wanted instead to devote myself to recreation, "partying" ... and just relaxing. 

And this is what I did. 

I feel slightly worse for it, which is to be expected from fairly robust consumption of alcohol and fatty foods but it was also one hell of a hoot. I got out a bit, saw a few friends and mostly avoided any sort of official get-together as I simply wanted to relish the rare few days free of manual labor and work that I found myself blessed with. In other words and to employ a bad pun? I wanted to remain unmolested by family and housemates and the respective social gatherings they each hosted. This raised eyebrows, as it does each year as folks seem to think that being by oneself necessarily equates to unhappiness but in my case it couldn't have been further from the truth.

Anyway...here's to another year of truth seeking. 

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this post is intended to be supplemental to the facts made public in my main website, http://www.jbhfile.com/; it probably will not make much sense to you if you have not already made yourself aware of the legal and personal efforts discussed in that site. please see http://www.jbhfile.com/ for a necessary introduction into why this blog exists. or, if you just like reading weird stuff, then don't. and, enjoy.
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jbh.

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